Oh, How I Do So Love the Lie

the first day of fall arrived this morning

with a cool breeze and a light shower

I went out to greet it

my old, new friend

“Don’t you wish?” asks the voice
as I look at the girls in summer clothes

“that your hair shown in sun
as you sat on the side of the
swimming pool in your designer
bikini in your designer limbs?

“in your hand would be cold toxins
that’d burn your slim throat
but oh the fun you will have
even if you won’t remember it

“your friends would look at these
pictures in envy; they’d look in the
mirror and wish they saw you
and in your mirror you’d see them

“but oh the tans and the boys
and the manicures and the gossip
of all those boys who’ll touch
your tanned, manicured skin

“the world would look at you in envy
but you won’t have to see them
through those dark sunglasses
and hazy hazel eyes

“Don’t you wish?
Do you wish at all?”

“No

“I’ll stay in the shade
and see with clear eyes
I’ll stay in the shade
and keep my skin cold.

“I have scorned the sun
and she has forgotten me
I hid from the sky
and the sky looks away

“I’ll stay in the shade
with clear, hazel eyes.”

I’m made of soft edges

stars drift like fireflies
and rivers giggle sleepily;
above trees bend down
in whispered arcs

I remember when
I could hold out my hand
and the wind would thread
between my fingers
and I
wistfully believed
the wind reached
back for me

I miss you, I miss you
but I can survive

I can survive,
but I miss you, I miss you

I remember when
I was convinced I wasn’t me
I had felt so trapped
yet I was so, so free